Wouldn’t you know it? I was dreaming about Burgh Media last night again. This time, I dreamt I was sitting in at Big Ben’s news conference:
Big Ben: Hi , everyone! I wanted to hold this press conference to assure you all I’m feeling good and should be back to football in the fall.
Press: Ben, how did it feel to have an accident like that?
BB: Huh? Well, it hurt. It hurt a lot.
Press: I mean, were you sad? Afraid? Confused?
BB: Huh? …Next question.
Press: Ben, do you feel you are as handsome now as you were before?
BB: PittGirl thinks so.
Press: Have you been sleeping well?
BB: Huh? Well, yes, I guess.
Press: Are you eating okay?
BB: Well, yeah. What’s going on…
Press: BEN! Did you eat your vegetables last night?
BB: Did I eat…Hey, doesn’t anyone here have any questions about football?
Press: No. Too boring. Ben, how did it feel to break the law by not wearing your helmet and with an expired learner’s permit?
BB: Look, I want you to understand I didn’t know I was breaking the law. I forgot to wear my helmet. Normally, I wear my helmet.
Press: Ben, when did you last wear it?
Press: Your helmet, Ben, when did you last wear it?
BB: Ummm, my memory’s a little off since the accident. I’ll have to get back to you on that. To get back to what I was saying, I wanted everyone to know I hope to be back at training camp in the fall…
Press: Ben, will you be riding your motorcycle to camp?
BB: I don’t know. I wanted to emphasize there was no harm done to my head or legs, and my throwing arm is pretty darned impressive, so I’m ready for camp.
Voice in the Crowd: Ben, are you sure? About the arm, I mean.
BB: Tommy Maddix? Is that you?
Voice: No, man! Oops, gotta go! See ya!
BB: That sure looked like Tommy Maddix.
Press: Who cares? Do you have a girl friend, Ben?
BB: Who wants to know?
Press: America wants to know, Ben.
BB: I’m not telling.
Press: Okay, well, then what’s your favorite food?
BB: My favorite food? What is this?
Press: If you were a tree, what kind of a tree would you be?
BB: What? This press conference is over. [Storms from the podium]
Voice in crowd: Psst, what did he say about his arm? Is it good?
Press: Tommy Maddix, what’s your favorite vegetable?
Voice: AHHHHH, let me out of here.
Press: You guys want to go to Starbucks for a latte?
[Screen goes blank]
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Copyright 2006 JO Janoski