You know how when you’ve been busy, and you fall asleep at night, your dreams become a crazy amalgam of all the bits and pieces of your busy day? Well, that happened to me last night. I dosed off and the first ghostly image to pass across my puffy cloud dreamscape was Bob O’Connor riding a hydrobike and wearing a multi-color propeller beanie. I can’t help it; I always picture our mayor wearing a propeller beanie. It suits him, don’t you think? Then in a flash, the picture changed and a TV screen popped up.
I spied Kristine Sorenson and Ken Rice dishing out the news from behind their big old anchor desk. I strained to listen:
Ken: Well, Kristine, the All Star Game was a big success for the city and the people.
Kristine: Yes, Ken. I don’t think I heard one complaint. Even the weather was kind to us. Isn’t that right, John?
John Burnett (at the weather map): Yes, that’s right, Ken and Kristine. [He strikes his Superman pose, hands on his hips–(why do KDKA weathermen do that? …but I digress)] That last shower waited until the game was over. The weather gods were kind to us.
Kristine: Tee, hee! That’s so funny, John!
Ken: [murmuring] I miss Jennifer. We were so cute together.
Kristine: [Rustling through her papers in a panic] Did you say something, Ken? [Whispering] That’s not in the script!
Ken: What do you care? You have Marty!
Kristine: Huh? Oh, you’re talking about Jenn again, aren’t you? Get over it, will you!
Ken: Not until you say it.
Ken: Please, please, pretty please!
Kristine: OOOOH! OKAY! You and Jenn were so cute together. There, I said it. Are you happy?
Ken: Yes. [Takes a deep breath and sighs…pauses with a smile. Proceeds with the news] Well, it looks like we have quite a mess around town now that the game is over. Let’s check with John Shumway at the Stadium where they’re picking up the leftover clutter over there.
John: Hi there, Ken and Jen…..Er…I mean Kristine. Yes, it’s a mess over here. The fans were a happy crowd, but they were also virtual pigs. I mean, look at this place, pop containers, hot dog wrappers, it’s just awful.
Ken: [Murmurs] Er…John, I don’t think you’re supposed to say that…
John: We’re ON AIR. Oh, I didn’t know we’d gone live yet. Harumph! Well, the place is a little messy, but everyone’s pitching in. Even Sonni Abatta is here. As soon as she hooks up with Channel 4’s Andrew Stockey for another plane ride, she promised to get to work. She sure liked that plane ride!
Ken: Excuse me, for interrupting John…
Kristine: Yeah, what’s that behind you? Something black and gold.
John: Oh, probably just some leftover Steeler stuff…let me take a look here. OH MY GAWD!
Ken: What is it, John?
John: It’s up in the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? NO, it’s Mayor Bob! He’s flying in on a gold hydrobike wearing his best black suit and a rainbow-colored propeller beanie. Obviously, it’s the beanie that makes him fly.
Kristine: Isn’t he supposed to be in the hospital?
John: Yeah! He must have escaped and flown here. I don’t know how he maneuvered the downtown skyline…Wait….he’s speaking…
Mayor Bob: Come on, Everybody! Let’s get this place redd up!
Ken, Kristine, & John: [in unison]: Oh, so inspiring!
John: Hand me a broom, someone! Wait, he’s circling….circling….now he’s heading up toward the scoreboard…Oh, I think he’s leaving. I bet he’s heading back to the hospital for more treatment in the morning.
Mayor Bob: Redd up, right away! Redd up, right now! I’ll be back!
Kristine: [Sniff!] We’ll be waiting for you, Mayor Bob!
John: Take care, Mayor Bob!
Ken: Good Health, Mayor Bob! And that’s our news for tonight… Jennifer, if you’re out there, remember how darn cute we were together?
Kristine: Shut up, Ken!
[Voice of Mayor Bob swishes through the studio]: Get over it, Ken!
Copyright 2006 JO Janoski