Jo Janoski\’s Blog

Writings, Observations, Poetry, Stories

PooGram Calling January 29, 2006

Filed under: Humor — jojanoski @ 3:54 pm


PooGram Calling…


The other day I posted a page that offers "Fecalgrams," and it stoked my curiosity as to how one would write a commercial for such an item. This one is a script for radio:


Sound of a doorbell. A voice:


Delivery Man: Poogram Delivery.


Silence.


DM: Poogram delivery!


Door opens with a squeak.


Homebody: W-w-what?


DM: Poogram, sir!


HB: A what?


DM: Poogram, sir! From an anonymous donor.


H: Err, what's a Poogram?


DM: Oh, it's your lucky day, sir! A Poogram is a beautifully packaged box of sh…t[beep–CENSOR] delivered right to your door as a gift. If I do say so myself, it is a distinctive gesture.


H: Back up…it's a package of what?


DM: Sh…t[beep–CENSOR] produced and ready for your enjoyment. We ship poo all over the continental United States and Canada. Ours is the freshest sold anywhere. You can tell by our soft texture and alluring aroma.


H: Someone sent this to me? Holy sh…errr, I mean holy smokes! I bet it was my ex-wife, right?


DM: I can't say who it is, sir. Poograms are sent anonymously. But you could send a poogram to your ex-wife. It so easy, just dial 1-888-poo-phew and we’ll get a box of poo off to your ex right away.


H: Great! What does it cost?


DM: Our Big Sh…t[beep–CENSOR] package is only $50, and our friendly "Quickie Poo" box is $25, a perfect way to let someone know just how you feel about them. And here's some good news–both sizes float.


H: I'll take a quickie poo for my ex wife. She doesn't have to know it's from me, right?


DM: Nope. We never leave sh…t[beep–CENSOR] boxes and tell. Excellent. But first where would you like me to put this Bigsh…t[beep–CENSOR] package someone sent you.


HB: Aw, forward that one to her, too. By the way, does it cost extra to set it on fire on her doorstep?


______


Copyright 2005 JO Janoski




 

Send a Fecalgram January 28, 2006

Filed under: Humor — jojanoski @ 9:50 pm


 

Send a Fecalgram to someone you love

for Valentine’s Day


I use gmail (Google mail), and it picks up words from your letters and matches ads to those words along one side of the gmail window. Today I was talking to a friend about…well, never mind what about…and it showed this particular ad:



The Original Fecalgram

Anonymously send them a box of poop and see their reaction online.

fecalgram.com


It’s a real company, folks! I’m not going to tell you about them, though. Go read it for yourself. “Poop flinging has evolved.”

 

 

 

 

 


 

Bridges to Burn January 23, 2006

Filed under: My Books,My Published Works — jojanoski @ 4:19 pm

It’s finally finished!Bridges to Burn

Third Installment in Jo Janoski’s Trilogy of Pittsburgh Stories

Available now at lulu.com Print Book or E-Book

Description: Folks in Irma Daltrey’s neighborhood are acting more and more suspiciously every day. Her next door neighbor invites a mysterious friend to visit, and across the street a strange trio has moved in, toting cameras. Are they spying on the neighborhood or just engaging in gainful employment? Her life is in chaos beneath a mysterious veil of terrorism. All the while, Irma is left wondering if she is looking for love in all the wrong places. Preview available at lulu.com

 

Poe January 21, 2006

Filed under: Miscellaneous — jojanoski @ 5:52 pm


Poe Gets Roses and Cognac Every Year

For the 57th straight year, a mystery man paid tribute to legendary horror author and poet Edgar Allan Poe by� placing roses and a bottle of cognac on the writers grave in Baltimore, MD., to mark his birthday. How cool is that? When I die, I wish someone would come and place a kolbassy sandwich and a can of Iron on my grave–Burgher style.

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What happened to William Shatner?

Filed under: TV — jojanoski @ 5:35 pm




What happened to William Shatner?


I noticed William Shatner on the news recently when he sold a kidney stone for charity. Seeing him made me long for the Shatner I used to know. When I was a sweet young thing, I watched him on Star Trek, feeling enthralled by his good looks and command of the role of Captain Kirk. He was suave with the ladies, tough with the bullies–ever ready for a little of the ol' fisticuffs, and in charge, always in charge. Later, when I saw the episodes in color, I loved the way his gold tunic look great with his hair and complexion. That was back when it was his own hair, I add now wistfully.


The Priceline commercials sent shockwaves through me–how could Captain Kirk do commercials? After that, I found him in a variety of buffoon roles, hitting an all time low on Third Rock. Now, even as a lawyer on Boston Legal, his character is still a joke–a buffoon as usual–a higher class, smarter one, but a buffoon, none the less.


I would give anything to see him in a dramatic role, something that pulls from his considerable classical training and leaves deep impressions. Does anyone out there know of a recent Shatner movie or TV part I might enjoy?


 

Doctor’s Office January 18, 2006

Filed under: Poetry — jojanoski @ 2:39 pm


Doctor's Office…


Yesterday, I spent some time waiting in the doctor's office (orthopedics) with my hubby. I had a workshop assignment to do–a poetic form called a dodoitsu. A dodoitsu is meant to be a Japanese song, written in 26 syllables, lines of 7,7,7, and 5 syllables. Typically, it is about love or something humorous. I ended up writing what I saw and felt at the moment, which isn't so funny, I suppose.


Doctor's Office


Hot, despite white-haired patients

Icicles of silver age

Inching, uncertain small steps

To see the doctor.



Copyright 2005 JO Janoski






 

What does the “YKK” on zippers stand for? January 14, 2006

Filed under: Miscellaneous — jojanoski @ 4:35 pm

What does the “YKK” on zippers stand for?: “What does the ‘YKK’ on zippers stand for?”

OH my goodness! I was so excited to find this out. Go look at your zippers–they all have “YKK” on them, I bet. Fascinating!